Friday :)

I hate mornings.

I hate my scales even more.

I swear my scales are dodgy. I have a very particular routine for weighing, it's always first thing in the morning, it's always after I pee and it's always in the same place on the floor. I move the scale so it's sits on a specific tile. Anyway it said I weighed the same, boo.

BUT then I noticed the scales weren't exactly on this one tile it was abit over so I adjusted it and now it says i've lost .4 of a pound. oooh i don't know what to believe! Ha I sound so dramatic sometimes I think chill the fuck out you're stressing over o.4 of a lb!!

So now i'm o.1 of a lb away from GW1

Maybe i should buy new scales but i'm scared it'll say i weigh more. I've only ever weighed myself on these scales for like 5 years. Like when i'm at the gym or at some one elses house I never ever step on their scales.. i like my own.

oh how ridiculous.

I didn't go to my friends yesterday.. but then i was soo tempted to order pizza anyway but i didn't ;) had about 700-800cals. I came to the conclusion I need to plan my food otherwise I get stuck what to have and become tempted - I was contemplating a yogurt for an hour literally.

So plan today ! angel delight (91cals) mini pancakes (100cals) and noodles (400cals)

I'm out drinking tonight = wine (500cals) so my real total may be more 1100cals. blah

His eyes see right into my soul.

ohhhh what to do what to do.

confused. com

My friend has invited me to her house tonight for movies / pizza but the problem is..

I'm 1 lb away from GW1

It took me SO long to get there and I don't want to mess it up. I'm so close, yet so far! I really want to have a chilled girlie night. But I want to get to my goal weight, I seriously can't afford to gain as I go on holiday in a week! I'd like to loose at least another 5lbs by then as unrealistic as that may sound.

Going and not eating pizza is not an option.. its me we're talking about.. pizza is my downfall.

the pizza I like is 1500cals.. and i'm not going to loose eating that am i?

Ugh I hate compromising my social life for my weight loss goals.

growl.

17th August

What is wrong with me. Seriously what the hell is wrong with me.

I have a boyfriend. We have ups and downs but at the end of the day he mostly makes me happy. I like being with someone. I don't do 'alone'. I love him.

So why the hell am I flirting with this other guy. I met him when I was out, he found me on facebook and we starting talking and he is a major flirt. Like he is full on. He was like you're beautiful.. meeting you again would be dangerous.. ah and he's a rugby player and that's hot.

So why am i flirting back with him? why am i meeting him again on friday?!

I love my boyfriend. We was cuddling last night and I should of felt bad but I didnt..

I am an attention whore.

I like to feel wanted. Sexually wanted.

But its not real. I repulse guys. I'm lucky to have my boyfriend who tolerates my fatness, most other guys just chat to me for a laugh, poor little dumpy girl in frumpy clothes. Why is this other guy showing interest. He's only taking the piss. He'll get with my friend come friday.

Ah I hate myself.

I'm so fucking fat.

500cals today

sorry for rant.. needed to get it out.

FRIDAY 13th

Thank you for all the lovely comments on my last post :-) you girls keep me going and really make me smile... I hope you know I read all your blogs everyday!

Lost 2lbs :-) not as much as i'd like but considering I've been out most nights it's acceptable.

I've worked out that bottle of rose wine is 500 for the whole thing.. which isn't as much as i'd thought so if i stick to wine dance all night and eat light in the day the total number shouldn't be too much..


Today... chicken salad (200cals) angel delight (113cals) and maybeee some sushi later :) yum.

I got a feeling that tonights going to be a good night.

4th August

Let me be your fantasy

Day 3 of 2468 cycle

Not going to lie.. yesterday was hard. My hungriest day by far. But I stayed strong, weighed this morning and i've lost 4.5lbs since monday. Happy days.

I went to yoga class about an hour ago.. I figured the more calories the more exercise.. but it's left me feeling quite weak at the moment and abit light headed.

Today 600cals :D already had angel delight (91cals) and chicken salad with cheese (200cals). Not sure how I will use the other 300cals, might get a packet of sweets if I go cinema later, or maybe soup and a piece of bread or sushi. Oh the possibilites :-P Only water today for drink as I've had too much diet coke this week and I'm scared of getting another bladder infection.

Wondering what to do after I finish the cycle.. whether I will do another cycle of have rest for a day or so. I'm so scared of gaining it all back.

3rd August

I'm not going to teach him how to dance with you.

Day 2 of 2468 cycle

Yesterday I did well.. ate what I planned to, and didn't actually feel too hungry. I ate slightly over 200cals because I had a mouthful or two of my boyfriends pasta.

Was lying in bed last night fantasising what I could eat today and tomorrow and thursday (800cals) thinking of all the possibilitys. Not even joking I was thinking about it for ages. That's not normal is it? Oh well..

400cals today.. already had crumpet with marmite (95cals) and angel delight (96 cals).. looking forward to my grilled chicken salad later (167cals) and coconut hot chocolate (40cals) = 398cals.

Positive thoughts :)