26th July

We're under the sheets and you're killing me, in our house made of paper, your words all over me.

I've made a two huge mistakes over the weekend..

Firstly.. I restricted on the thursday and friday in the day.. friday night ate greasy food and drank til i was drunk, then my stomach just went AHH like sharp pain, like CRUNCH. I've never felt pain like that before, and have been suffering all weekend on the toilet because of it. So on the friday when it happened, I was sitting on the toilet at 4am, crying, CRUNCH and drunk when I realised I can't do this to myself, I can't restrict then eat food and drink like that my stomach just can't handle it anymore. I don't want to feel pain like that again. It's scary.

Secondly, when I went out in a hurry and just shut my laptop. Come in on saturday night and see my mum on the laptop looking on my facebook.. this site was also on a tab.. FUCK. I went mad I just felt so embarassed. And my mum was like.. 'i just wanted to get on my own facebook not yours' and I was just so mad at her cos I was worried she'd seen my blog AGAIN and we started arguing and she shouted at me 'i know you was on a skinny site and i dont care look at whatever you want' and she was laughing and I felt patronised. Embarassed. Embarassed that I'm so big that no one even would believe that I have a serious problem with eating. Now i'm totally paro that she's going to snoop again and find this blog so i HAVE to remember to log off.

I've also gained 3lbs over the weekend. Fuck this shit. daj fnadsn fjasndfj n.

Serious restricting tomorrow girls.